The Author, In The Pool
I've been struggling with my own lap swimming as of late.
I know some of this has to do with asthma and adding upper-body exercises to my weight routine. On Wednesday, I swam a mile, and I did not feel great when I finished. My whole body seemed to stiffen up during the swim, and I had to remind myself of the added intensity in the gym.
The good thing is that any issues with shoulder impingement are not present.
So I made Thursday an off day, and set out to swim after work today. After swimming a mere 150 yards, I had to stop. I was out of breath, and just had no energy.
I was also incredibly sad.
This has been a pattern with swimming lately. In the nine years since I quit smoking, swimming has been my go-to, Zen moment. I always felt better after a swim, minus occasional aches and pains.
But over the past few weeks, I have noticed that swimming laps is an occasional doorway to sadness, and a host of other difficult feelings and thought processes. I must admit that I am very frustrated with this.
And while I have an inkling to the origin of these feelings, I'm at a loss at to how best to address it. I still love teaching, coaching and lifeguarding in my spare time. And doing so enhances my overall wellbeing both at work, and at home.
But I'm a bit fearful. What if this sadness expands beyond lap swimming? What if I start having these feelings of dread and sadness when I'm working in Aquatics?
I will access my support system, do some private writing, hold close to my higher power, and keep you posted.
But in the meantime . . . "Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming." 🐳😊
I'm also open to thoughts and suggestions from readers on what may be helpful. 💕
ReplyDeleteMy first thought is are you resisting the sadness that is coming or allowing it to come through? My second thought is this a possible feeling of grief having to do with the changes in your body not feeling the same....or is the sadness trying to come through while you are swimming because its a time where unresolved feelings can connect with you to try to process them since there are no distractions? I know this happens to me sometimes when I go walking and I try not to resist the emotions and allow the cry to come. Luckily I usually have sunglasses on so I can let it happen without feeling self conscious about it. So for you your in water even better! So I would say fully feel the sadness without wondering why its there and trust that it is coming up for a reason to be released and dont be afraid of it cause its a truth in your emotions which could be one thing or multiple things. I know for me its a lot of times stresses and anxieties about things either past or present that Ive been suppressing or had suppressed that need to come up. Thank you for sharing your story:)
ReplyDeleteKeri
💕🏊🏻
DeleteSpoke with a recovery friend yesterday. He helped me to break stuff down into manageable morsels to digest. Also realized that this week has been emotionally challenging in general.
ReplyDeleteGoing to the gym after work. I do a lot of stretching during my workout, so I will visualize emotions moving through my being during the workout. Thanks for the feedback. Keep in coming. M <3
I've rearranged my workout routine this week. I am staggering my rest days differently, in hopes that this will create an additional spark of energy during swims.
ReplyDeleteI've also discovered that feelings of anger are easily accessible (and regulated) at the gym. Tomorrow (Wednesday) I will explore swimming through sadness, as opposed to attempting to fight it off during my time in and around the pool. Some prayer and meditation will also be involved. M :-)
Over the last many decades, I've experienced crushing sadness when I'm in my happy place. I've never found the reason, but I've been surprised, horrified even, and resentful at the intrusion. Knowing what I know now, I can understand that this stuff creeps in during the stillness beside the water. Still trying to figure how it fits in the crashing, splashing parts. I think it has to do with letting your guard down- but that's some old language right there.
ReplyDeleteSo part of the problem has to do with disconnect. I've been sad when swimming, and have not been able to put in a consistent effort.
ReplyDeleteLow and behold, I found that I have a clicking happening in my right shoulder during my recovery (Ha! Ha! Recovery).
But because of my recovery, writing, prayer, being open to other peoples' experiences, I am present enough to see and feel the issue with my shoulder. I will be having a screening today at a local physical therapy office that I trust. Thanks everyone! M :-)
And my shoulder is acting up again. No swimming this week, while I begin treatment in PT. Backing off and eliminating certain exercises with the help of a physical therapy organization I trust implicitly.
ReplyDeleteThere's disappointment, but encouragement as well. I didn't go all out, until pain prevented movement. Rather, I was able to be present in my body to recognize that something was amiss.
And the sadness? That too was a gift! Had it not been for the sadness, pulling me back a bit, I would not have been able to slow down and examine what was going on with my body.
Gifts come in all shapes, sizes, and manifestations.
M :-)
Was assessed last week for the latest shoulder issue. Started physical therapy today, and the shoulder feel great. No sustained, lap swimming for a while, but I can wade and swim with my niece this weekend. And I can work out tomorrow! I'll do the stationary bike and lower body/core work. M 😊💕
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