Rethinking It

Not My Image

Trigger Warning: Discussion of Trauma

I started this blog on June 18th with the goal of thirty posts in thirty days. A hefty dose of writing and introspection I hadn't considered. Twenty-six days and twenty posts later, I believe I might need to rethink this strategy. 

Unbeknownst to me, I have been emotionally revisiting all of the feelings related to the posts that have to do with trauma. I know that some of the entries are skills-based, or gratitude focused. But the magnitude of squishing together years of work on an emotional scale has been overwhelming for me. In my quest to write and purge about my history, I neglected to consider the effect this would have on my being. 

My first thought was maybe I shouldn't have started the blog. Maybe I should shut it down. That's a rash and extreme thought based in emotional turmoil. Ahhh! Detachment with a chain-saw! That's the way to go! 

One would think that the number of missed days may have been an indicator of just how challenging this journey can be. All too often, I've had to retool my exercise routine; foregoing intensity to gain consistency. 

But a softer, more nurturing series of thoughts began to come to me after some quiet time and reflection. This particular reflection was based in self-care, and gentleness, and not thoughts set ablaze by past trauma history or as of yet, unnamed emotional turmoil. 

So I think I will own what the universe has already dictated to me. I will take space from blogging as needed for the purpose of self care. 

Radical thoughts here, I know. 

I have noticed previously that there is a yank the band-aid off intention when I start to explore or process through any trauma history. Even though this has not been my overall experience in recovering from this stuff. I need only look over my shoulder to see that memories and moments critical to my well being have been handed out piecemeal, exactly in time with what the universe needed to care for me. 

Side Note: I like the term "universe" or "divine" over any specific spiritual deity. However, I may still use "higher power" or some other form of proper or pronoun from time to time. 

And so, I decided on some level to sprint out of the blocks when I created this space. I did supplement with previously written pieces (I LOVE to write), and other snippets that I had tooled and retooled over time. I've decided that a brisk walk with occasional breaks may be more fruitful for all concerned, as opposed to an all-out sprint. 

To risk playing out the exercise metaphor a little too far, and occasional swimming post may be in order as well. No really, talking about swimming is my passion, and it's good for me to write about it. Besides, the title of this blog is Aquatic Renewal after all. 

With that being said, I also may revert to the occasional gratitude based post more often. And I know that, based on the number of views, those posts are deeply appreciated too. 

And I want you to know that I give thanks to those that have stopped by to read, reflect, and comment on these posts. 

One more thing, I may, on occasion, ask for encouragement on here. I have a wonderful support system in my world, but it might be a good idea to be more vulnerable with the very people I'm trying to connect with in cyber-land as well. 

Peace, 

M :-)